Jar of Hearts

If you have not heard this song, go find it and take a listen. It's currently my favorite (closely followed by E.T. by Katy Perry but that's a different story)

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive; and now you want me one more time

Chorus:
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong to ever fall back in your arms

And I've learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

[Chorus]

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

[Chorus x2]

[Insert witty title here]

You have to be able to make fun of yourself of life is not going to be that interesting and you'd probably won't be as happy as those who do. I say that directly in relation to something that happened to my team in intermural softball. So if you know me, you know that I look really athletic but it's a facade. I can't catch, I run funny and I hate working out. Anyway, my team realized this quickly and placed me in right field (for those of you reading this with no concept of softball, right field is where lefties hit the ball and there are fewer lefties. The ball rarely comes over there). I am quite content standing out there watching the game from a really nice position. Well low and behold, the ball comes flying at me. Well in that moment, time slowed down and I thought: wait, the ball does not come out here! What's it doing coming this way. I literally stared as it flew over my head. I didn't even move. The guy standing at second base ran for the ball in the outfield and as he ran by he said, sarcastically: "Oh don't worry, I'll get that. You stay there." I'm pretty sure my team will make fun of me for the rest of my law school career lol

Life unabridged

I have to write something other than my brief or I will lose my mind! I am currently working on a moot court brief for a competition in March...I got one week off from getting done with my last competition before they sent out the packet for my next problem. Yay me...
Anyway, so much has happened in the last month I don't even know where to start. Maybe I'll number them :-)
1. I invited a couple of my friends over for Trini curry. Seriously. I cooked curry. Dad brought roti when he came to visit and it was as though he thought I was going into hibernation. There was no way I would be able to eat it all. Naturally, I thought I should give some of it away, but I quickly realized that I would have to make food in order to give it away. I sent out a little fb invite to people who I didn't think would make me feel too bad if my attempt at curry sucked lol. Then I called mom and got a step-by-step tutorial on how to make curry. Turns out making curry for 10 people us harder than you would think. I had to make the chicken in a different pot to the chick peas and potatoes because I didn't have a pot big enough! Long story short, it was not as good as my mom's or Patraj, but it was not too shabby, if I may say so myself. I was so nervous about it. When I noticed that all the food was gone by the end of the night and all my friends had gone for seconds (some thirds; one even put some aside to take with him to school as lunch the next day) I realized that I didn't do too badly. That was one of the most fun nights I've had at law school. Being able to cook for my friends and then sit around, eating, talking and laughing; I could not have planned it better. Maybe I do have a domestic bone in my body. I'm probably goign to try to do it again when I get back from Christmas break after finals. Any suggestions on what I should make?
2. I went to NYC for thanksgiving. Honestly, that trip has been the high point of my year every year since freshman year of college. All my family in North America (well, not all...most?) fly to NYC and we all stay at my aunt's house which I have never understood how it is able to house all of us. Then my aunt cooks up a storm. It's freaking delicious. Trini styled thanksgiving is where it is at! Where else can you eat turkey and callalloo, apple pie while drinking a Shandy? Yeah, you are jealous you weren't there. Well, as though that was not enough, this thanksgiving was especially awesome; my best friends from college, who now practically live all over the world, were all spending thanksgiving in NYC as well. Writing about it now still makes me so happy I want to cry. I'm not even kidding. I got to spend all day Thursday with my family and my brother from another mother. Then all day Saturday with the best people in the world. (Ok, I look like a freak crying in the library over this, but I miss them more than they could ever understand and I cannot imagine what my life would have been without them). Here I have to pause and say that I am clearly violating my "Never talk about anyone but myself rule" but this story is nothing without the people who I can honestly say made me into the person that I am. I love you guys and can't wait for our next reunion. Ok, got a little sidetracked there. Back to the list.
3. I am going home (to Trinidad) in a few days. Two weeks off from law school is just what the doctor prescribed. I considered taking the next quarter off and figuring my life out, but I think I'm going to tough it out until summertime. I know that I can make it that far. I'll treat it like my runs on the treadmill. Set distances for myself and the closer I get to my goal, the more I want to push myself to get there.
4. I started running again. Because I have a tenancy to make fun of people as they run, I am too self conscious to run outside. Luckily, anatomy has made it so that bad knees run in my family. It's actually in my best interest to run on a treadmill. Anyway, before I would run and see how fast I can get to a particular distance. Now I have decided to see how long I can run at a steady pace. I've gotten to 33 minutes at a run/jog speed and them 5 more slowly decreasing with each minute until I stop. I usually am at about 3.5 (rounding up) by the time I get done. That's pretty good for me seeing as I am super lazy (well, I used to be at least). It's a pretty good feeling getting off the treadmill after running and clearing your head after a long day or at the beginning of your day. I would not trade that feeling for many other things.
5. I am seriously learning to take everything in stride. I've learned the utility of branching out and talking to new people. I've realized that sometimes, it is okay to be alone and that I don't have to be with someone at every moment. If I want to watch a movie, I can go get it and watch it on my own. Finally, I'm trying not to take myself so seriously because life's more fun when your not stressed out all the time.
And there you have it. The major developments in my lief over the past month. Thanks for playing.

L.A. L.A. Baby!

I hopped off the plane at LAX my team and 2 suits in hand :-) Seriously though, I just got back to Waco after an extended weekend in Malibu (Santa Monica mostly though) California. I was representing the school at the National Entertainment Law Competition. To be completely honest, I had one goal: try not to look like an idiot. I guess I achieved that one with the help of my awesome teammates and coach. They made the weekend great. We ate breakfast on the beach, had dinner on ocean avenue, drank wine on rooftops, oh yeah, and competed in the competition when we weren't too busy being cool California people! It was fantastic. We didn't let our perfect surroundings distract us too much as we advanced up to the semifinals and the team took the awards for 2nd best respondent brief and I got third best speaker. Not a bad weekend if you ask me!

random...

I like sweet tea. It's pretty much all I drink. And water. Sweet tea and water.
I hate studying...finals are the worst time of year. I am too easily distracted
I woke up too early this morning (7am!) It was still dark outside. That makes me tired now.
I ate too much for dinner. And I ate alone. Not a fan. Not a fan of movies alone either but I do that all the time so I'm over it.


That's everything that I wanted to post in a FB status update.

Epic Soundtracks!

Sticking to my one status update a day rule: I am listening to Hans Zimmer radio on Pandora and I think it is the best decision I have made in a long time. I have gotten the Dark Knight soundtrack, Pirates of the Caribbean, Bourne Supremacy; Gladiator, Halo and now Avatar. I am pumped!

No complaints; you read my blog by choice!

So I have a rule against updating my facebook status too often. The way I see it, the stupid newsfeed will advertise to everyone that I just had a thought or whatever. If there are too many newsfeed posts about me, I am sure people will get annoyed. It's kind of the way I feel when I notice the same person over and over in my feed. So to prevent any of my friends from getting annoyed with me, I just avoid that whole situation. Good thing about this blog is that I can post whatever random thought I had that day if I have already posted something on facebook. That way it is in the universe and the universe shakes it head at me like I did when the ridiculous thought, or situation or moment occurred. Anywho, to the point of this post. Just now as I was walking down the halls of the law school, I realized that I was wearing my law school fleece. That got me thinking, "OMG! I'm a law student! When did that happen! I'm all grown up, I have to stop being so childish!" Then I chuckled to myself at the fact that this is not the first time the fact that I am in law school has dawned on me. It's kinda one of those things where I still remember most if not all of secondary school and 11 year old me would be as impressed as she would be tickled about the fact that I am kind of a grown up. I guess this is how people who have known me since I was a child feel when they see me now.
Last random thought: the last time I looked at my clock, I noticed it was only 7:24. I did a dance because I thought it was later. It's 8:24 now. No more dancing. Back to work.

I wanna run as fast as I can to the middle of nowhere...

Seriously contemplated packing my things, leaving the law school and going to watch a movie today. It's not that I lack motivation. It's not even that I am tired. I just think I need a change of pace. My life lacks a the spontaneity that it used to have. I miss making Sonic runs knowing that Sonic was 25 minutes away even though we had class in 30 minutes. I haven't just fallen asleep when I just felt tired in a while. And most importantly, I have not seen a movie since I was home 2 months ago! I don't have the freedom to do things on a whim without ignoring the consequences later. For now, I just look forward to the days that I am no longer a slave to my obligations.

Late nights at BLS

One liners:
Saturday nights at the library are not as bad as you'd think (caveat: I'm the biggest loser ever. I think I might be the only person here :-/ )
You'd be surprised how over time what looked like an awful situation can get better
B.o.B is freaking brilliant. I can barely listen to Drake anymore
Sic em Bears! Good job on beating Kansas
Nothing is more annoying that when highlighters dry out
Happiness is a state of mind that you can choose not by disregarding when bad things happen but by focusing on the positives in your life and allowing them to define your perspective

Tribute to B.o.B.

B.o.B said it better than I could have. This is how I feel. And honestly, I'm over all the nonsense...Technically this counts as me talking about someone else--the rapper, that I do not know personally and he does not read my blog so I think I'm safe.

Tell me where am I supposed to go?
And who am I supposed to believe.
If only you knew what I knew.
Then you could see just what I see.


So I grab my bags and go, as far away as I can go.
Cause everything ain't what I used to know.
And I try to hide, but I just can't hide no more.
There's nothing worse than feeling like a ghost.

You say I look fine, if only you knew what's on my mind.
You'd see a whole different sign, I couldn't show you even if I tried.
I must have got lost in time when I found out I was only free to be, where ever I want to be.

Some say I'm out of sight, how I run and that we're all so blind.
If you could open up your eyes, you could see what I couldn't describe.
And then, you'd see the signs, and then your soul would be set free, and then you'd be released.

So I grab my bags and go, as far away as I can go.
Cause everything ain't what I used to know.
And I try to hide, but I just can't hide no more.
There's nothing worse than feeling like a ghost.

Tell me where am I supposed to go.
And who am I supposed to believe.
If only you knew what I knew.
Then you could see.

So I grab my bags and go, as far away as I can go.
Cause everything ain't what I used to know.
And I try to hide, but I just can't hide no more.
There's nothing worse than feeling like a ghost.

And I'm terrified, like I've seen a UFO.
Cause everything ain't what I used to know.
And I try to hide, but I just can't hide no more.
There's nothing worse than feeling like a ghost.


(And I'm so tired of hiding, I've been running, I've been trying, to get away, to get away)

So I grab my bags and go, as far away as I can go.
Cause everything ain't what I used to know.
And I try to hide, but I just can't hide no more.
There's nothing worse than feeling like a ghost.

Call me whatever you want, title me whatever you like...(it's a song)

Someone called me a hypocrite yesterday. I'm not sure if that's the correct word, but neither is naive lol. OK. Before you get too concerned, let me just give some context to the situation. I have a blog (yeah, stating the obvious). Anyway, from the first day I started writing, I remember that I put it on my facebook page, but it was not a status update or anything like that. All i did was edit my website and include it there. The reason I did it that way is because I was really self conscious and I didn't want anyone to read my thoughts. Enter hypocrisy. Who writes a blog, publishes it on the internet, but doesn't want anyone to read it? It's a bit strange isn't it. Well the deal with that whole thing was this was more like a project to see if my life was interesting enough to me to write about it on a regular basis. It would be super funny if this thing was only read by people who didn't actually know me because then it would be hilarious. They would think who is this crazy lady and how in the heck do these things happen to her!? However, no such luck. I have random people walking up to me (that I know) making jokes about the things in here. That makes me weary b/c now I am open to the criticisms and opinions of people who know me. Well I put myself out there so it's my fault. Here's the deal peeps (yup, bringing back early 2000 slang) if you don't particularly like me, or know me, please don' t feel obligated to read. Seriously. You probably don't think I am that funny so this must just be annoying for you. If you think I am hilarious and a likable person, keep reading. You are awesome! LOL. And if you are trying to get to know me, you can read too because I promise I can keep you entertained if nothing else

I just can't keep living this way, so starting today...

Waddup! First and foremost, I must retract my announcement. Seems like Waco has not worn me down just yet. I'm here til I'm done with law school and that's just about the only thing that is going to get rid of me. Next, I am super busy! (yet I am taking time to write in my blog lol) Anyway, I am working on research for my moot court problem, research for my job and then homework. However, that being said, I am pretty happy right now. I have not really felt straight up happy in a really long time. Could be that the cute library dude offered me some of his M&Ms just now (yup, high point of my day, kids!) But seriously, things are going well with school (for the most part), I am making new friends (thanks to my Thursday dinners with the girls) and I am content with the way my life has been going in general. Also, II look around and I see that my sadness about not having stuff to do on Friday nights is greatly trumped by the fact that homes are floating away in Pakistan and families are starving in Somalia. I thought that it was necessary that I state this in my blog b/c I think most of the readers were getting a little concerned with my mental state and for a while, I think I might have been in a precarious (big word!) situation. Right now though, it's all good. :-)

Announcement

Hey readers! I am such a celebrity! I make announcements via the media.(Step aside Kim K.) Anyway, I am about 90% sure that I am moving back to Trindad in the next few days. I can't give too many details yet but most of them will never be released. I will keep you up to date with anything I can disclose. That's all. I will not be answering questions at this time.

Dispatches from my bedroom

~~As most of you already know, the point of this blog is to tell stories of my life. I like making fun of myself and though it's fun to tell a story to one person and have that person laugh at me as much as I laughed at myself, if I write it down and publish it, then I can let even more people into my life. The only thing is that when I am back at school, there are fewer fun stories I have to share. I can't think of a single interesting occurrence in my life since the last time I wrote. I don't have time to cook, so no more burns; most of my time is spent at the library, sometimes in a cubby so no one can find me, other times in main area welcoming distractions. Take today for example, I got to the law school at 10:15 am. I finally left at 9:45 pm. All I did all day was go to class then do hw. No one really wants to hear about that; it bores me to think about how lame I get once schools starts! I have been trying to keep running though. This summer I had a great routine of running 3 times a week. Thus far it has been more difficult to do this (especially if I spend 12 hrs at the law school!) the objective is to lose 10 pounds by November. This goal is two-fold: 1. I want to see if I can do it and 2. That will take me to how much Serena Williams claims she weighs and I was mortified that I weighed more than her lol. Also, since Jennifer Hudson is now a size 6, I have no excuse. I guess that's 3 reasons. I have to put on a dressy dress at the end of the quarter for Law Prom and it would be nice to rock a size 6. We'll see I guess. ~~

~~Despite the fact that in general I am failing to keep up with any of my goals for the summer, I am adamant about 2. One is the weight loss so I came home today and went to the gym and I play flag football once a week. The other is reading for fun. My cousin (who I think follows my blog) gave me a book for graduation: The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. This is an excellent book and it is making me re-evaluate the way I do and think about certain issues in my life. He gives very practical everyday advice. The book is tiny but with only a few minutes a day to read for fun, it's taking me longer than I would have liked. Not a problem though, no rush. ~~

~~I think after writing this post, I have found a way to keep this blog going without necessarily creating unusual life experiences for myself. I can simply express my thoughts and goals. I don't want this to become an account of my days b/c I would not read that and would hope none of you that currently read would allow me to insult your intelligence by an in depth discussion of the fact that "Today I took notes in class. Also, it rained all day" Well whoop-tee-doo! No one cares about that stuff. Instead, if it's of interest to me, I'll share. I think every so often I can rant about pop culture b/c lord knows after I watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians I have so much to say! If you guys don't care, let me know and I am sure I can find some other interesting topics. Maybe you can keep me accountable wrt (with respect to) my various goals. That might require that I buy a scale. Whomp whomp...~~

Restless leg syndrome?!

To all my friends who aren't American: Yesterday a pipe burst on campus. Therefore the City of Waco and the school sent out notices advising the students not the drink the water without boiling it. Then I sat and listened to my friends talk about the fact that Waco water has a strange taste. Finally, I heard students in the halls talking about the fact that their parents had somehow found out that the water was "bad" and that they should throw out their ice and to remember not to drink the water. At that moment, I felt so out of touch, kinda like a FOB (fresh of the boat). Growing up in Trinidad, I remember sometime I would think about the water that would come out of the tap but for the most part, it didn't affect me. I am pretty sure that while I was home, I drak water from my fridge which I don't think is filtered but I could be wrong. Yes you heard me. I drank water from my so called "third world" country lol. I didn't even think twice about drinking the water before I read the email. Also, my roommate forgot that there was a boil order and he used both the ice and drank the water. I'm sorry to report that he is dead...Wait, nope he's still alive. Oh but just barely, he has been draped over the toilet all day...wrong again. He is perfectly fine. Living here has made me so dramatic about certain things. I have learned about all kinds of diseases that either don't exist in Trinidad or are not real enough to given any real consideration. I had never heard of Mono before I moved to PA. My all-time fav is restless leg syndrome. And the wonderful side effects of taking certain meds for your fake disease. You may have blinking eye syndrome. Take this pill. Side effects: headaches, stomach pains, loss of feeling in your legs, loss of eye sight, spontaneous combustion, rarely death lol. It kills me!
Anyway, I'm done with my little small island rant :-)

Your official invite to my pity party

I'm back in Waco. Got back a few days ago. Being back has made me realize that it only takes one other person to keep me from feeling lonely. That person does not even have to be around all the time; just the mere fact that they are accessible keeps the lonely feeling away. I was at home and my whole family was there. It's not like they were with me at all times but I have been in my apt alone for the past 3 days and it's crazy how alone I feel. Though I can still call my parents and my sisters, there is no expectation that I will call and they will be back soon. Maybe that's what it is; that feeling that the person you are contacting will be back soon, that way you know you will not be alone much longer. I know that I am using this blog like a diary right now, but I have so many feelings and thoughts and talking to myself is just silly. Plus, the whole point of this blog was to be able to express myself when I didn't have anyone to talk to . Anyway, the only thing that gets me is that I love when my friends are happy. Thus, when one of my friend gets a g/f or b/f, I am super happy for that person. I want him or her to spend time with his/her significant other. This stupidity on my part encourages the loneliness.
See then I feel bad complaining about being lonely because there are people out there with even bigger problems than mine. If the worst thing in my world is that I am sitting on my couch at 9 pm on a Saturday, I feel dumb crying about it. Doesn't stop me from crying though; emotions aren't always rational. I'm in search of a 24 hr friend. Seriously. I can be there for you too. And you are allowed to date...as long as I am also dating someone too lol. New friend can be a guy or a girl and the only requirement is that the person be awesome.
Anyway. I'm going to keep chilling by myself, try not to wallow is self pity and rot on my couch :-)
-Lonelygurl23 out!

Ridiculous Me

I joke alot about the fact that I am not normal. I haven't decided if I believe that or not but every so often I have an experience that makes me lean closer to believing. A few days ago, I went to Haka with my uncle and sister. (Don't be alarmed; this story is not about them so I am not breaking my rule) Anyway, we went for appitizers and drinks. My uncle ordered this deep fried chicken dish and it looked interesting enough. They were bite sized so I popped one in my mouth. I immediately regretted that decision. The poppers were sooooo hot. I know I know, why didn't I just spit if out? Well, easy answer...pride. I was sitting with my uncle who I respect highly and Haka is a really nice restaurant so I could not bear spitting it out. The result? I burned the inside of my mouth. Pretty severely I think. By that I mean there is a large red area inside my mouth and I cannot chew on the right side of my mouth. I brushed my teeth last night which resulted in me spitting out a mouthful of blood. Salt is like my worst enemy right now. It's right up there with ice which also burns! This has made eating and drinking that much more difficult. Anyway, that's not normal, right?
On an unrelated note, I saw Salt, Inception and Despicable Me. The obvious favorite by about a mile and a half: Despicable me. Inception was great, don't get me wrong. But I have not enjoyed a movie like DM since Up! GO SEE IT!
Update: Heading back stateside on Monday. Mixed feelings of happy and sad, mostly sad right now but part of growing up is doing things you don't really want to I guess. Being grown up really is not half as fun as growing up...

One-line epiphanies...

My family will eat dinner without me if I don't respond soon enough (even if I am just in the next room with headphones in my ears).
House is so much better than Grey's Anatomy; it's not even a question.
Salt was not that bad...stop listening to what everyone else is saying and just see it for yourself.
The more time I take to see Inception, the less I want to see it.
I don't care if you think your family is cool; mine is better than yours (despite the fact that no one in my family follows my blog!)
My friends are better than yours as well.
FB chat is terrible; everyone should have Skype.
Naps are underrated.

Eat Pray Love...emphasis on EAT

I had an epiphany as I was eating dinner. I have lived and visited more countries than most other people. My parents move alot and I love to travel. Yet after everywhere I've been, the food in Trinidad will always be best. I'm serious! Today I had fried rice, callalloo and stewed lamb and it took everything in me not to lick my fingers (and my plate!) Yesterday, I got home from the movies and mom got corn soup...I was literally sad when I realized dad had finished it all before I woke up this morning. The day before, I went to the beach. Anyone who knows me knows that I HATE sand! So why go to the beach? That's easy, bake and shark. Honestly though, that was not the best bake and shark I've had. Richard did not have pineapple :-( Despite that, the meal was more delicious than anything I've had in Texas over the past 10 months!
When I eat food like that, it makes we want to like cooking b/c even when I'm away from home, I can eat great food! Only problem is, it's more than just the food itself. It's about the spices and sometimes if it's mom's home cooking, it's the love that she puts into it. Regardless, I am going to continue my cooking adventures because after this trip, I can't wait until I get back to Trinidad every time in order to eat the food I love. The good thing is that while I'm still in home, I don't have to worry about cooking...I have my mom and the good folks around the savannah to keep me smiling until my return.
PS. This post was written with references that only trinis would get. Questions? Leave a comment.

I'm Ba-ack!!

Hello Boys and Girls! I know I've been gone a while but I had finals so I had to take a little break. But the wait is over. I am finally on vacation, for the first time since I started law school! I can't even express how happy I am right now.
My life has been pretty hectic over the past few days though. I could not have predicted my first few days would go like this. I witness two fights in two days; the first was between crazy strangers, the second was between crazy friends. Each time, I didn't even know the people and both took place at the pool. What is it with people trying to ruin my pool time!!? Well, I'm over it, but I was pretty disappointed that the first few hrs after my final, I found myself holding one of the fighters back!
I spent all day Friday with 3 really good friends. Literally, all day! We did laundry (which usually is not fun, but we managed to make it pretty good). Then we got pedicures followed by window-shopping at Target lol. There is a delightful Mexican restaurant in Waco, El Chico. Looks kinda grungy but we had dinner there at it was GREAT! We decided that for the rest of the night we were in Mexico! Our night ended at about 2 am after going swimming in the "ocean" (aka the pool at the Grove!) That was hands down one of the best nights I've had in Waco.
Now I'm in Trinidad, visiting the fam. It's the first time I've been back in a year and it feels pretty good. I must admit, I was a bit skeptical because I thought I would be exhausted and irritable after traveling all day but I am in a surprisingly good mood. Last night, I got about 4 hrs of sleep because I drove to Dallas last night rather than trying to drive there in the morning before my 10:30 flight. Arrived in Dallas at 1:30, went to bed at 3, then woke at 7:30...fun fun! Then when I got in tonight, my little sister was so tired and I felt bad so I did the dishes for her and cleaned the kitchen. Yup, I've been home 5 hrs and I am already doing chores. I don't mind though, I think washing dishes is relaxing (esp. because I don't cook, I have to earn my keep somehow right?) It's 11:55 Trinidad time and I am watching Criminal Minds. I don't know why 1. they air this show so late at night and 2. I watch it this late. It always scares the heck out of me! But I can't resist; this is the best drama on TV.
All in all, despite a rough-ish start, I've been having a great past few days.