So this is kinda random, but that's how I am so deal with it. Today (earlier this morning to be exact) I realized that in my present state, I am incapable of fending off an attacker. Don't be alarmed, I was not attacked this morning...at least not for real. I had a dream that I was walking at night and I entered a dark alley. After I was too far in to turn back, I noticed another person in the alley as well, and he noticed me. Anyway, I have had discussions with people before about why I have no need for a gun so I decided to attempt the various tactics I said I would use. Thru this experience I realized a few things:
1. It's very hard to yell if a. you don't have a voice and b. there is no one around to hear.
2. If someone is trying to attack you, it is unlikely that he will have a rational conversation with you. Yes, I tried to reason with my attacker. I told him that I would give him everything I had. I also told him that I would not tell anyone about this little exchange. I said there was no need to do to me what I was sure he planned. None of these worked.
3. Pepper spray would be an awesome keychain adornment. However, after thinking this, I got really nervous that either I would not have my keys readily at hand, and if I did, what if I started getting paranoid after this encounter (yeah in my dream I thought that this would scar me forever) and spray anyone who startled me. I thought it might be too dangerous for someone in my vulnerable position to carry pepper spray.
4. It's probably better not to walk late at night, by myself into dark alleys. It actually made me chuckle a little that this was one of the last things i came up with. You would think that was the obvious!
5. There are a few possessions that I am not willing to give up. During the encounter, I thought about trying to run away. What kept me from doing so, other than my belief that it probably would not work? My unwillingness to lose my laptop and my iPhone. I was actually horrified that I could not muster the good common to just throw that stuff and run. Also, for a second I thought about trowing my phone at him. That thought only lasted a second b/c I could not think about parting with it. Crazy...I know!
6. I am the master of my dreams! I don't have to lay there and watch as awful things happen to me MY dream! So yeah, I woke up.

I was absolutely terrified throughout this entire ordeal. Now I'm still kinda nervous about what would happen if something like that really happened to me. For now, I am going to rest assured that I am not going to get into that situation. No...still not getting a gun.